tired

Day 120

So this was supposed to go up yesterday but I figure since I’m waiting for the tire shop to repair my punctured front right, I might as well get an update done.

Blah. I don’t know who i’m trying to kid. I’m exhausted and starving over here. And by starving I mean hungry. I probably have a couple dozen tons of life-sustaining body fat on me; I’ll be fine.

Numbers 3

You know, this chapter isn’t very long, but it sure seems long when it’s all math and genealogy. Houses of so-and-so this, and son of so-and-so that.

Also, since now we’re going back to Aaron and Moses talking to God on Mount Sinai, it seems that this whole darn section is told out of chronological order. I can see why someone would want to write a chronological Bible, but I have no idea how much research or guessing it would take to get this whole book in order. Oy.

Anyway, God explains to Moses that when he took (read: killed) all the firstborn of Egypt, he took (read: appropriated, maybe? Sanctified?) all the firstborn of Israel. But, because babies make terrible temple guardians, but more likely because coordinating and demanding responsibility from a bunch of different people from different tribes is a pain in God’s butt, God has sanctified and appointed the Levites in exchange for all the firstborn of Israel. So He has Moses take a census.

All the Levite males from one month old on up number 22,000. All the firstborn males of Israel from one month old and above number 22,273. So there is a 273 person difference.

God tells Moses to cover the difference, so Moses takes 5 shekels of redemption payment per person, as per the Lord’s instruction, and gives the money, all 1,365 shekels to the family of Aaron.

Done and done.

Peace be upon you!

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Day 109-115

Welcome back, all. Given that it has been a week since I last updated this blog, part of me wanted to just say, “Ehhhh, make it a weekly update!” But the thing is, I need to strive for daily updates. If all I shoot for is a weekly update, I’ll end up going two weeks without updating, or three, or a month. And then what? And then the whole project goes to s***.

So here I am, after a long day of work and paperwork. I’m very tired. If I weren’t so tired I would probably do a series of updates but I’m really just not feeling it. I barely wanted to do this but I promised myself and my partner and I suppose God that I would get it done tonight. I’ve put it off long enough.

Oy, but these chapters are so long!


Leviticus 19

God reiterates a few of the Ten Commandments (maybe all of them) and adds a bunch of other things for Moses to tell the people. Among them:

  • No shaving sideburns (Lev 19:27)
  • No gossiping (Lev 19:16)
  • No tripping blind people (Lev 19:14)
  • Leave some food unharvested so that poor people can eat too (Lev 19:10)
  • No idols, seriously guys, we went over this (Lev 19:4)
  • No tattoos (Lev 19:29)
  • No turning your daughter into a hooker (Lev 19:29)
  • Another man’s b**** ain’t nothin’ to fuck wit’ (Lev 19:20)

And so on. Be honest, be polite, treat people nicely, because I am the LORD your God who will smite the ever-loving s*** out of you if you don’t.


Leviticus 20

This is the point where I looked up who exactly this “Molech” fellow was. Apparently he was some old Middle Eastern god back in those days and people apparently sacrificed their kids to him. YHWH says that’s a no-no. God then gives a whole list of people that you can’t have sex with. No sisters, no half-sisters, no aunts, no women on their periods, no mother-daughter combos, no daughter-in-laws… You know, I just realized a lot of this was geared toward men as the transgressor. The only verse that has a woman as the subject of the rule is Leviticus 20:16, where God says that women shouldn’t have sex with animals.

Thanks for the tip! Of course, in the end, everyone gets put to death anyway.

If only they’d had some kind of choice…

Also, C. S. Lewis at one point talked about the comparison between God’s love for man and a man’s love for a woman. In Leviticus 20:5-6, God talks about people “prostituting themselves” with mediums and “[committing] “harlotry with Molech.” One of the ways we can understand God’s love is to look at the love between the sexes. First sign I’ve seen of it in the scripture; thought it was worth pointing out.


Leviticus 21

In Leviticus 21, God talks to Moses and gives him information for Aaron and the priests. “Do not defile yourselves” is pretty much the key here. No dealing with dead bodies, no dating divorced women, gotta marry a virgin, no uncovering your head or shaving your beard… burn your daughter alive if she’s a prostitute, you know, standard stuff.

Also, no fuggos, no cripples, no dwarfs or eunuchs, no acne scars, no weird eyes, no lanky dudes… Apparently “any man [descended from Aaron] who has a defect shall not approach [the altar/sanctuary].”

Harsh, man. Harsh. I feel like modern political-correctness-/equality-Nazis* would have a field day with this chapter.


Leviticus 22

Here are some more rules about how to properly make sacrifices, and what kind of weird crippled “defective” animals work for which sacrifices.

Also: Eeeew, bugs! Unclean.

Also also: Semen! Unclean.

We knew this stuff before but God reiterates for the priests.

Also also also, the whole thing about this chapter is in regards to who among the priests can eat the holy offerings. The answer is “only the clean ones.” So don’t go profanin’ yurselves, now, ya hear?

*spit*

This chapter reminds me of a joke:

A Catholic priest, a Reverend, and a Rabbi are discussing their income.

The Priest says: “I draw a circle on the ground, take the offering, and throw it up into the air. Any money that falls outside the circle is for the Lord, and the money that falls inside the circle is for me.”
The Reverend says: “I do things almost the same, except the money that falls outside the circle is my salary, and the money that falls inside the circle is for the Lord.”
The Rabbi says: I do things quite different. I take the offering, throw it up into the air, and pray: “Lord take whatever You need, and feel free to send back the rest.”

Get it? Because Jews.


Leviticus 23

“You shall make a grain offering again after seven Sabbaths and fifty days to the day, but feel free to sacrifice all the rams, bulls, and lambs you want, for lo, the LORD your God is watching His carbs, but truly I say to you, on protein, there is no restriction. And make sure to sacrifice some wine, for I am the LORD your God and I do enjoy a good red.”

— Leviticus 23:skiddoo


Leviticus 24

Burn the lights using fresh olive oil. Here’s how to make some little cakes. Don’t kill animals, and if you do, you have to find a replacement. Don’t kill people, except that guy who killed a guy. Him you need to stone to death.

This chapter is also the source of the famous “eye for eye, tooth for tooth” bit.


Leviticus 25

“The land shall not be sold permanently, for the land is Mine; for you are strangers and sojourners with Me.”

— YHWH, Leviticus 25:23

Seriously passed out in the middle of writing. I need to go to bed.

I love you all. Peace be upon you, and good night.


*Like grammar Nazis, but different.

Day 107

Using the Holmes and Rahe stress scale, I figure I’m up to at least 200 units and counting for the past twelve months. And that’s a conservative estimate. I’ve gotten three new jobs, quit three jobs, started a new close relationship, changed a number of my personal habits and responsibilities at work, changed my sleeping habits, changed them back, had my sleeping habits challenged and varied, had issues with my partner’s family, had issues with my family, lost touch with a bunch of friends… the list goes on and on and on.

In the past week I have shouted in anger, I have screamed in frustration, and I have cried in despair. These events are not mutually exclusive. My throat is sore right now.

The only response I got from God was “pray for patience.” I felt a calming in my soul, ever so slightly, at the words and feelings that came to me. But I’m tired. I’m tired and I’m angry. Now I see why Wrath is considered a mortal sin. It can consume you.

I was supposed to go to bed early tonight, can you believe it? The one night.

My birthday is coming up, and at this rate it is going to be but a temporary respite from all this. Even my three days off this past weekend did little to help me in the long run. There’s just been too much. I’m still not accustomed to this much chaotic change. I do not like it.


Leviticus 17

There’s a lot more in here about blood being the stuff of life and what is used for atonement and so don’t eat it, you guys.

But at the end, there’s something about being unclean from eating an animal that either died naturally or was killed by beasts that struck me:

“But if he does not wash [his clothes] or bathe his body, then he shall bear his guilt.”

— Leviticus 17:16, NKJV

I have seen some New-Age-spiritual-type beliefs that speak of water as a conductor of spiritual energy. I am reminded of that sort of idea from this passage and those like it.

I can picture now a “running off” of water from one’s body, and the cleansing effect it is supposed to have. I want so badly to wash away this anger… to wash away these tears, to wash away the sleep from my eyes. But I know, like a dumb animal or an obstinate child, I will return to them sooner than I would like. My brain, my body, my fragile animal vessel can only handle so much. My soul is tired… I want to sleep.

I am reminded of C. S. Lewis’ confession in The Problem of Pain:

“You would like to know how I behave when I am experiencing pain, not writing books about it. You need not guess for I will tell you; I am a great coward.”

I am a miserable, wretched wreck right now. I have had revelations in the past about turning to God, and about Christ coming to us in the middle of the storm rather than making the storm go away.

I will tell you right now, for all I have said and done, for all I have read, though I know in the future I will appreciate what I have gone through… I will tell you right now: I have had quite enough. I have no interest in weathering this storm.

God forgive my blasphemy, but I would rather it simply went away.