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Day 117

I have this project that I want to work on that is completely unrelated to this project but I’m hesitant/afraid to start it because I know I’m going to suck at it for a while. I tell the kids I work with that “sucking at something is the first step to getting really really good at something,” which is roughly a quote from Adventure Time but I can’t seem to actually follow through on that myself.

I met some interesting folk today. If they were angels, they were cleverly disguised, but to stretch the metaphor, it seems most of them are. I noticed an older man observing me while I was working with some of my kids (clients) today. We were at a “natural foods” grocery store and the man struck up a conversation with me asking essentially what I was doing working with these four native kids. I didn’t go into the whole “behavioral health” aspect of my job, since he didn’t seem like he had the right idea about their lives/circumstances, so I just told him it was part of like a summer program.

We talked for a short while, his very old wife remaining quiet, and at one point he asked me about church, if I or my program were affiliated with any particular church. I told him there’s one I’ve gone to a couple times (not true, but will be true as of Sunday morning) but that I work for a private company. He seemed really nice overall and said as much about me. I forget his exact words but he seemed to think highly of me, either for how I presented myself or my line of work or both.

He seemed to think I was a sharp kid when I was able to answer “the casinos” to the question “How do the Indians scalp the white man these days?” He wasn’t joking, either. He was just sort of making a statement.

It was an interesting conversation.

But it turns out that he and his roughly-twenty-years-his-senior wife are followers of a man named William H. Branham, of whom I have never heard. Apparently he was a minister called to be some sort of prophet by God. The elderly woman I spoke to claimed that he put his hand over a blind girl’s face and she was able to open a pair of brand new blue eyes. They stressed that it was not Branham’s power, but God’s power that did this.

Sometimes, I don’t know what to believe.


Leviticus 27

See, when I get cocky about being able to “understand” the Bible, I get stuff like this. Maybe it was appropriate that this man I spoke to today said something about human interpretation of the Bible always being flawed. Maybe that was the hidden message of the conversation. Or maybe I’m human and misinterpreted it.

Anyway, let’s see what Matthew Henry can clear up about this chapter, because all this talk of “valuation” doesn’t seem to have any context and so I don’t know what anyone’s talking about.

Matthew Henry didn’t help, but this site did. Over here at Bible.org, they offer this helpful definition:

Simply viewed, offering a vow is practicing a kind of “credit card” act of worship. It is a promise to worship God with a certain offering in the future, motivated by gratitude for God’s grace in the life of the offerer. The reason for the delay in making the offering was that the offerer was not able, at that moment to make the offering. The vow was made, promising to offer something to God if God would intervene on behalf of the individual, making the offering possible. In many instances, the vow was made in a time of great danger or need. The Rabbis believed that the gifts which were vowed in Leviticus 27 were to be used for the maintenance of the Temple.

Apparently the long and short of it is that you could vow stuff to God and if you ever wanted it back (???) then you could pay money and get it back. I guess.

Anyway, this is the last section of commandments from God to Moses on Mount Sinai. Hoo-rah.

Tomorrow begins Numbers, people. Get ready.

Have a good night, and peace be upon you.

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Day 109-115

Welcome back, all. Given that it has been a week since I last updated this blog, part of me wanted to just say, “Ehhhh, make it a weekly update!” But the thing is, I need to strive for daily updates. If all I shoot for is a weekly update, I’ll end up going two weeks without updating, or three, or a month. And then what? And then the whole project goes to s***.

So here I am, after a long day of work and paperwork. I’m very tired. If I weren’t so tired I would probably do a series of updates but I’m really just not feeling it. I barely wanted to do this but I promised myself and my partner and I suppose God that I would get it done tonight. I’ve put it off long enough.

Oy, but these chapters are so long!


Leviticus 19

God reiterates a few of the Ten Commandments (maybe all of them) and adds a bunch of other things for Moses to tell the people. Among them:

  • No shaving sideburns (Lev 19:27)
  • No gossiping (Lev 19:16)
  • No tripping blind people (Lev 19:14)
  • Leave some food unharvested so that poor people can eat too (Lev 19:10)
  • No idols, seriously guys, we went over this (Lev 19:4)
  • No tattoos (Lev 19:29)
  • No turning your daughter into a hooker (Lev 19:29)
  • Another man’s b**** ain’t nothin’ to fuck wit’ (Lev 19:20)

And so on. Be honest, be polite, treat people nicely, because I am the LORD your God who will smite the ever-loving s*** out of you if you don’t.


Leviticus 20

This is the point where I looked up who exactly this “Molech” fellow was. Apparently he was some old Middle Eastern god back in those days and people apparently sacrificed their kids to him. YHWH says that’s a no-no. God then gives a whole list of people that you can’t have sex with. No sisters, no half-sisters, no aunts, no women on their periods, no mother-daughter combos, no daughter-in-laws… You know, I just realized a lot of this was geared toward men as the transgressor. The only verse that has a woman as the subject of the rule is Leviticus 20:16, where God says that women shouldn’t have sex with animals.

Thanks for the tip! Of course, in the end, everyone gets put to death anyway.

If only they’d had some kind of choice…

Also, C. S. Lewis at one point talked about the comparison between God’s love for man and a man’s love for a woman. In Leviticus 20:5-6, God talks about people “prostituting themselves” with mediums and “[committing] “harlotry with Molech.” One of the ways we can understand God’s love is to look at the love between the sexes. First sign I’ve seen of it in the scripture; thought it was worth pointing out.


Leviticus 21

In Leviticus 21, God talks to Moses and gives him information for Aaron and the priests. “Do not defile yourselves” is pretty much the key here. No dealing with dead bodies, no dating divorced women, gotta marry a virgin, no uncovering your head or shaving your beard… burn your daughter alive if she’s a prostitute, you know, standard stuff.

Also, no fuggos, no cripples, no dwarfs or eunuchs, no acne scars, no weird eyes, no lanky dudes… Apparently “any man [descended from Aaron] who has a defect shall not approach [the altar/sanctuary].”

Harsh, man. Harsh. I feel like modern political-correctness-/equality-Nazis* would have a field day with this chapter.


Leviticus 22

Here are some more rules about how to properly make sacrifices, and what kind of weird crippled “defective” animals work for which sacrifices.

Also: Eeeew, bugs! Unclean.

Also also: Semen! Unclean.

We knew this stuff before but God reiterates for the priests.

Also also also, the whole thing about this chapter is in regards to who among the priests can eat the holy offerings. The answer is “only the clean ones.” So don’t go profanin’ yurselves, now, ya hear?

*spit*

This chapter reminds me of a joke:

A Catholic priest, a Reverend, and a Rabbi are discussing their income.

The Priest says: “I draw a circle on the ground, take the offering, and throw it up into the air. Any money that falls outside the circle is for the Lord, and the money that falls inside the circle is for me.”
The Reverend says: “I do things almost the same, except the money that falls outside the circle is my salary, and the money that falls inside the circle is for the Lord.”
The Rabbi says: I do things quite different. I take the offering, throw it up into the air, and pray: “Lord take whatever You need, and feel free to send back the rest.”

Get it? Because Jews.


Leviticus 23

“You shall make a grain offering again after seven Sabbaths and fifty days to the day, but feel free to sacrifice all the rams, bulls, and lambs you want, for lo, the LORD your God is watching His carbs, but truly I say to you, on protein, there is no restriction. And make sure to sacrifice some wine, for I am the LORD your God and I do enjoy a good red.”

— Leviticus 23:skiddoo


Leviticus 24

Burn the lights using fresh olive oil. Here’s how to make some little cakes. Don’t kill animals, and if you do, you have to find a replacement. Don’t kill people, except that guy who killed a guy. Him you need to stone to death.

This chapter is also the source of the famous “eye for eye, tooth for tooth” bit.


Leviticus 25

“The land shall not be sold permanently, for the land is Mine; for you are strangers and sojourners with Me.”

— YHWH, Leviticus 25:23

Seriously passed out in the middle of writing. I need to go to bed.

I love you all. Peace be upon you, and good night.


*Like grammar Nazis, but different.