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Day 109-115

Welcome back, all. Given that it has been a week since I last updated this blog, part of me wanted to just say, “Ehhhh, make it a weekly update!” But the thing is, I need to strive for daily updates. If all I shoot for is a weekly update, I’ll end up going two weeks without updating, or three, or a month. And then what? And then the whole project goes to s***.

So here I am, after a long day of work and paperwork. I’m very tired. If I weren’t so tired I would probably do a series of updates but I’m really just not feeling it. I barely wanted to do this but I promised myself and my partner and I suppose God that I would get it done tonight. I’ve put it off long enough.

Oy, but these chapters are so long!


Leviticus 19

God reiterates a few of the Ten Commandments (maybe all of them) and adds a bunch of other things for Moses to tell the people. Among them:

  • No shaving sideburns (Lev 19:27)
  • No gossiping (Lev 19:16)
  • No tripping blind people (Lev 19:14)
  • Leave some food unharvested so that poor people can eat too (Lev 19:10)
  • No idols, seriously guys, we went over this (Lev 19:4)
  • No tattoos (Lev 19:29)
  • No turning your daughter into a hooker (Lev 19:29)
  • Another man’s b**** ain’t nothin’ to fuck wit’ (Lev 19:20)

And so on. Be honest, be polite, treat people nicely, because I am the LORD your God who will smite the ever-loving s*** out of you if you don’t.


Leviticus 20

This is the point where I looked up who exactly this “Molech” fellow was. Apparently he was some old Middle Eastern god back in those days and people apparently sacrificed their kids to him. YHWH says that’s a no-no. God then gives a whole list of people that you can’t have sex with. No sisters, no half-sisters, no aunts, no women on their periods, no mother-daughter combos, no daughter-in-laws… You know, I just realized a lot of this was geared toward men as the transgressor. The only verse that has a woman as the subject of the rule is Leviticus 20:16, where God says that women shouldn’t have sex with animals.

Thanks for the tip! Of course, in the end, everyone gets put to death anyway.

If only they’d had some kind of choice…

Also, C. S. Lewis at one point talked about the comparison between God’s love for man and a man’s love for a woman. In Leviticus 20:5-6, God talks about people “prostituting themselves” with mediums and “[committing] “harlotry with Molech.” One of the ways we can understand God’s love is to look at the love between the sexes. First sign I’ve seen of it in the scripture; thought it was worth pointing out.


Leviticus 21

In Leviticus 21, God talks to Moses and gives him information for Aaron and the priests. “Do not defile yourselves” is pretty much the key here. No dealing with dead bodies, no dating divorced women, gotta marry a virgin, no uncovering your head or shaving your beard… burn your daughter alive if she’s a prostitute, you know, standard stuff.

Also, no fuggos, no cripples, no dwarfs or eunuchs, no acne scars, no weird eyes, no lanky dudes… Apparently “any man [descended from Aaron] who has a defect shall not approach [the altar/sanctuary].”

Harsh, man. Harsh. I feel like modern political-correctness-/equality-Nazis* would have a field day with this chapter.


Leviticus 22

Here are some more rules about how to properly make sacrifices, and what kind of weird crippled “defective” animals work for which sacrifices.

Also: Eeeew, bugs! Unclean.

Also also: Semen! Unclean.

We knew this stuff before but God reiterates for the priests.

Also also also, the whole thing about this chapter is in regards to who among the priests can eat the holy offerings. The answer is “only the clean ones.” So don’t go profanin’ yurselves, now, ya hear?

*spit*

This chapter reminds me of a joke:

A Catholic priest, a Reverend, and a Rabbi are discussing their income.

The Priest says: “I draw a circle on the ground, take the offering, and throw it up into the air. Any money that falls outside the circle is for the Lord, and the money that falls inside the circle is for me.”
The Reverend says: “I do things almost the same, except the money that falls outside the circle is my salary, and the money that falls inside the circle is for the Lord.”
The Rabbi says: I do things quite different. I take the offering, throw it up into the air, and pray: “Lord take whatever You need, and feel free to send back the rest.”

Get it? Because Jews.


Leviticus 23

“You shall make a grain offering again after seven Sabbaths and fifty days to the day, but feel free to sacrifice all the rams, bulls, and lambs you want, for lo, the LORD your God is watching His carbs, but truly I say to you, on protein, there is no restriction. And make sure to sacrifice some wine, for I am the LORD your God and I do enjoy a good red.”

— Leviticus 23:skiddoo


Leviticus 24

Burn the lights using fresh olive oil. Here’s how to make some little cakes. Don’t kill animals, and if you do, you have to find a replacement. Don’t kill people, except that guy who killed a guy. Him you need to stone to death.

This chapter is also the source of the famous “eye for eye, tooth for tooth” bit.


Leviticus 25

“The land shall not be sold permanently, for the land is Mine; for you are strangers and sojourners with Me.”

— YHWH, Leviticus 25:23

Seriously passed out in the middle of writing. I need to go to bed.

I love you all. Peace be upon you, and good night.


*Like grammar Nazis, but different.

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Day 39

Checked some of my blog stats today. Big surprise, “Jesus Christ” and “God” are the ones that get the most attention.

It would be easy to be cynical about this but I see it as a good sign. I think it’s important that people want to know things, that people are interested in spirituality.

One of my clients is a particularly troublesome child who acts out in various ways. I can’t figure out if he’s manipulative or not, but he’s a real character regardless. We met for the first time the other day and at one point he asked if I had been baptized. I said that I had not, and he asked why not. I wasn’t really sure how to answer that question to a ten-year-old. The answer to an adult or to a friend would be that I already feel “born again” and I don’t need someone else’s ritual to give me peace with God.

Truth be told, I like the idea of baptism, but if I ever get baptized, I want to do it old school, in a lake or river. I should remember that next time I jump into a lake or something. Nothing like that sudden shock of diving into cold water to make you feel alive and present.

I told this kid that I hadn’t really thought about it, and I asked him why he wanted to do it. He said he wanted to be able to go to God, or some such thing. I think the implication was that this was so that he could go to heaven. I wonder if a lot of people feel this way, that as long as they were baptized that they will go to heaven. It would certainly explain a lot.

I told my client that I think it is more important to live harmoniously with God and one’s fellow man, to not steal, cheat, harm, or gossip. To not just avoid evil but to actively promote good. I’m not sure he knew what to make of this, given that he lies and steals and harms. Perhaps this will be good motivation for him to work on his behavior. Perhaps his family can find more meaning in their life through a unified vision and understanding of God. Perhaps everyone can. It’s certainly a nice dream.

As I’m sitting here writing this, I spotted an old fortune cookie fortune on the floor. (My house is quite the mess.) I picked it up to take a look, and the quote written thereupon reads:

“Man’s mind is not a container to be filled but a fire to be kindled.”

I figured this had to have come from somewhere and so I looked it up. Most sites attribute it to a writer named Dorothea Brande. I decided to look her up on Wikipedia, and I found this:

“Her book Becoming a Writer, published in 1934, is still in print and offers advice for beginning and sustaining any writing enterprise.”

Beginning and sustaining any writing enterprise. I learned something new today, and now I might have to buy this book. Who has two thumbs and is beginning and sustaining a writing enterprise? (Hint: it’s this guy.) So someone went to a Chinese restaurant and got a fortune cookie which held this fortune inside it which got discarded onto this floor and hasn’t been cleaned because I’m lazy and messy because my parents were lazy and messy and it’s been sitting there for God-knows-how-long and today I get the itch to pick it up and it has a quote written on it that as a result of my natural curiosity leads me to a woman who wrote a book about writing which is the exact thing I’m struggling with the most.

You see what I mean about miracles?