My life is a mess. I have a steady job with a good company, I have an amazing relationship, I own a car, although it’s not paid off, and I have a roof over my head. I have friends and family that I love and they love me back.
And yet, I’m not happy. And yet, something is missing.
Some time ago, I had an intense spiritual experience. I felt and understood philosophical concepts that I believed to be unknowable. I felt like I could see the light behind all things, the vast vivid whiteness of pure Creation. I knew that life and the universe simply were, and I felt what I think people refer to as the Holy Spirit. I knew God existed and He loved me. I can’t tell you what that looks like, but it feels wonderful.
From time to time I have meditated and approached this place, this feeling in my mind, remembering that I am loved exactly how I want to be loved and that the world truly is a beautiful place. I know, because I have felt it, that happiness is a state of mind.
But as I’m writing this, in this moment, that is gone. My work is challenging, my relationship is growing, and my life is changing in many ways. It’s as though I can see the paths that lie before me but I’m afraid of failure and I don’t want to risk taking the first step.
I have a set of “Medicine Cards” that were given to me by my aunt and spiritual confidant. The other day I drew one for the first time in a long time. The card I drew? Eagle, the first card in the deck, and I drew him in the Contrary position.
“If you have pulled Eagle in the reverse, you have forgotten your power and connectedness to the Great Spirit. You may have failed to recognize the light that is always available for those who seek illumination.”
It couldn’t have been more appropriate. Many New Age-spiritual types say that there is no such thing as coincidence. It wasn’t until I had my mind opened and my awareness broadened that I could see and accept what some people call “synchronicity.” I shuffled a deck of cards and drew forth exactly what I needed to get this project off the ground.
About the Project
My partner is a devout Christian. Non-denominational Protestant. We’ve had discussions and debates about ideas in the Bible that compare or contrast with my experience. I ask questions because I like to learn. She has read the Bible cover to cover. I couldn’t believe it, but she’s just the kind of person to do that.
I’m not a literalist. When it comes to figuring something out, I look up the scientific literature or sit back and study my own experience.
I recognize that believing that the Bible is infallible because the Bible says it’s infallible is circular reasoning, but at some level I believe it to be true. Now that I’m thinking about it, the Bible is truth because it exists. Don Miguel Ruiz once wrote that “when we open our eyes, all we see is the truth.” We’re constantly hunting for it but it is right in front of us.
Now, I’m not saying I believe every story really truly happened in the form it’s described. But I do believe that every verse, every chapter has a story to tell. There is information and wisdom that can be gleaned from those passages.
I feel like this belief alone is going to separate me from a good number of Christians in this world, and I hope that I am wrong. This is not meant to be a critique of a holy text or an attack on religion.
This project is for me. I was searching for a way to reconnect with my spirituality and seek greater understanding of God but also of the man called Jesus Christ. Seek and ye shall find. This idea has been sitting in my mind for longer than I care to admit.
This project is my personal analysis of the Bible, from Genesis to Revelations. This analysis is based on my own experience and my own beliefs about God, the world, and life.
I welcome opposing viewpoints, and I only ask that you be respectful about them and I will be respectful in return. Discussions and debates are tools of learning, and I am here to learn.
If anyone should choose to follow along as I make my journey through this text, I welcome your presence. May this help you as it helps me.
And I feel like it is appropriate here to say, “Thank you, God, for giving me this idea and for presenting me with a way by which to seek understanding, a way by which I might know you better, and thus, better know myself. Amen.”