Day 62

Just staring at this blank text field makes me weary. Especially since Exodus 12 is super duper long. The whole thing is basically one long description of the Passover and how God needs everyone to do the thing with the blood so that he knows which houses to skip. God basically goes through and wipes out the firstborn of everyone in Egypt except the Israelites. I’m sure we’ve all heard this story before.

“Do the thing.” I’m an incredible writer.

I honestly can’t tell you how close I am to giving up on this project. It’s just so difficult to do this! I knew that trying to write regularly would be tough but not like this. Trying to sit here and read through the Bible and everything in it is a big task. It’d almost be easier to do multiple chapters daily of both the Old and New Testaments. But that was not my agreement.

Granted, I haven’t been able to keep the original agreement of one chapter/post per day either. It’s just too damn much. My schedule is just too crazy. I have financial stability but no temporal stability. The story of my f***ing life. It’s always one or the other.

I need help. I’m bringing a lot of books with me on my camping trip (Bible included) and I’m hoping to find some insights along the way. I feel a tension within myself, as though some point of change is coming. Valentine Michael Smith called moments like these “cusps” in the novel Stranger in a Strange Land. “Waiting will fill.” I’m struggling so hard against all of my circumstances and coming up with nothing. It’s like I’m wrestling the wind.

One thing I noticed about my new flute is that if you play it right, it has a very cathartic sound that reminds me of crying.

Peace be upon you.

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